FeNo posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 5:36pm for Chapter the Second

What a wonderful story.

I mean if you take it literally they are in an awful situation. Life's have been lost, hearts been broken and they seemed to be at the verge of finally achieving liberty for themselves and whatever family they would build... later. And now once again an old contractual obligation comes in between Harry and deciding what to do with his life by himself... that should be a horrible complication to the aftermath of the just so won war...

Yet how they both react and how the older, wiser women around them start pushing and making their opinions "subtly" known is so sweet and moving. If there weren't the "Ginny did not survive the final battle" thing with all the grief and emotional uproar it must carry with it for Harry it might even be a tad romantic.

I also like the pacing... starting out slow and first get a hint what dating means seems so much preferable to other stories which end up with falling for each other in no time and falling into each others beds only slightly slower... a pity they haven't even got three weeks to feel this out and as far as the "wedding" thoughts Daphne put into her diary go it seems the magical moment WILL have to be sex based, which would mean a definite end to careful progressing into something like a solid relationship beforehand. But then... can there even be a real doubt that Harry would let her loose her magic and maybe even her life just because Potter got queasy when thinking about long lasting commitment?

Oh and thanks for not going with the stream and having her be the incomparable beauty of the snakey dungeons but simply one of the girls. It's only a tiny thing, but the other trope got boring the more you've seen it. So: kudos!

btw.. is there some health issue with Andy? I think i remember her saying something like "what a way to go" to Grace... sounds suspicious and would be a pretty convincing reason to see Harry in a fixed relationship sooner rather than later. Intriguing.

Kokopelli replied:

Andi is fine, she's just feeling worn out because she's in her 40's and has a one year old under her care.  As I'm pushing 60 and my youngest is 19...do the math.

Mionefan posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 4:57pm for Chapter the Second

Another excellent chapter. I'm wondering if Daphne is right and the magic of the betrothal agreemant is drawing them closer. Nothing from Hermione yet?

Kokopelli replied:

Hermione you'll see in chapter 3, the compulsion (or lack therof) in chapter 5.

WhiteElfElder posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 4:08pm for Chapter the Second

Looks like marriage is inevitable is Kreacher did what he did.

Kokopelli replied:

Nah, Kreacher's just extra weird.

hoppy159 posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 2:53pm for Chapter the Second

I loved it. I always am suspect over stories where Harry rushes into a romance to save someone in Daphne's situaion. While it is something he would do, I appreciate more he wants to get to know who he is going to be saddled with before jumping in. I also appreciae the approach Daphne's taking. Rather than using Slytherin guile, shes being honest, which for Harry, will always work better. Taken together with the fact he is recovering from the battle, and the death of Ginny, you're doing a great job here. I loved the line about Pinnochio, it's apt in Harry's case. It's refreshing to see he is so self aware. A lot of the time, he is portrayed as totally clueless. It's not really his fault, a lot was kept from him, he really has a lot to learn yet.

Kokopelli replied:

One of the great flaws in how JKR assembled Harry Potter's character is that given the way he was raised, he's supposed to be the creepy guy who tortures animals for fun and is unable to form any emotional bond with humans.  So yes, it's amazing that he's anywhere near normal, and he does wonder what it would be like to be a real boy.  He's also terrified of having children, because he doesn't want to make mistakes raising them,

Noble Korhedron posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 2:26pm for Chapter the Second

More ASAP please!! I also like the Daphne/Astroia interactions, even if Astoria is acting like the steretypical "bratty little step-sister". More ASAP please!! :-D

Kokopelli replied:

You haven't seen anything yet with Astoria.

The Seeker posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 2:24pm for Chapter the Second

I'm going to jump back and forth between the story and writing this review, since your chapter is chock full of interesting information, and I don't trust my memory to store everything I want to comment on.

Absolutely captivating, original, and surprising iteration of my favorite HP (female) pairing. Thanks for the guts to create a totally unique DG/Queenie.

I normally don't pick out individual phrases, sentences or paragraphs, but this one is so pitch perfect I wanted to highlight it: On the bright side, my control for the ‘Scourgify’ charm is now nothing short of amazing. I’m going to put this biro down now and take the Floo to the Alley.

From these two sentences, we learn that Daphne is funny, self-deprecating, sarcastic, scared to death but retaining control of her emotions, if not her GI tract, and open to mundane ways (biro). This is excellent writing!

Creative use of Susan to convey more info on Daphne. Both witches came over as very intriguing. To this point, your Harry is a bit different, almost neutral. I guess that could be the result of finally having defeated Riddle, trying to restart a life that for the first time doesn't contain the threat of Riddle and his DEs, learning he received all of Tom's holdings BROC, including Daphne, all the while trying to get Grimmauld Place repaired so it is habitable. There's also a maturity that is unusual to see. The exchanges were very direct, even when they couldn't answer directly. Susan came across as someone I'd like Harry to get to know better, if it weren't for Daphne. I also wonder if he will stay out of Hogwarts, as he said he would.

The H/D relationship is moving somewhat faster than I anticipated. Of course, June 21 lurks not too far in the future. Your basic premise - Daphne has to marry Harry now is an interesting twist on Harry carrying the world's burdens. Interesting, though, that this burden arrived thanks to him defeating Riddle and picking up his wand. Regardless, Harry has to make a decision based on what would happen to someone, rather than what he wants himself. Add to that whatever grieving he's doing over Ginny and that's quite a burden for a seventeen year old.

Daphne's encripted diary also is a nice touch. Yes, it's another way to see her personality, intelligence, writing skills and glimpse her thoughts about Harry, what they've done, etc. But it also seem to fit very well within the structure you're using where we're getting information from many sources, including several ways with Andi and Grace, who are pieces of work in and of themselves. Which reminds me, good for the kids (H and D) for not getting upset at being set up and making the best of it in a very good way, They seem to be establishing a solid foundation, though there definitely are no fireworks at all, nor should there be with these two.

This chapter was so good I wish there were many more available to read. No doubt I'll revisit this one several more times. My compliments to the author for a job well done.

- The Seeker

Kokopelli replied:

They are miffed that they're set up - which is why Daphne says "years from now I'll probably think this was sweet."

Harry's somewhat flat because he's been facing doom for years and now it's over, but many of his friends and parent substitutes are dead.  

So now what?  

Oh, there's this new problem, see, and she's this tall, skinny girl who's more than she seems...

gadriam posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 1:11pm for Chapter the Second

This is wonderful. I mean, they're kids! I've read so many stories on the basic "oddly bethrothed" concept and the couple rarely acts like kids. These ones do, and i love it. The britishisms are also a great source of joy and all in all, this is one of the more realistic tales i have read in quite some time.

Thanks.

Kokopelli replied:

In modern times we tend to think of Marriage as something that makes us happy.  That's a rather recent view.

 

As to the britishisms, I was born in Saginaw, Michigan.

BJH posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 12:52pm for Chapter the Second

You seem to be intent on breaking as many fanon stereotypes as you can with this. About the only one I see you following is that Harry is rubish with girls (and that is pretty well established in canon so I can't fault you there). I like that Daphne and Astoria seem to have a typical, i.e. squabbling, type of sister relationship (and another cliche abandoned). You even avoided the evil stepmother fairytale cliche with Grace (one of my daughters' name BTW).

But are you following the road of Kreacher taking Daphne (or whoever is Harry's future wife) as his Mistress even before Harry realizes he is falling for the girl? Do house elves "just know" these sorts of things?

BJH

Kokopelli replied:

Me, breaking things?

Yeah, actually.

 

J

Stormwatcher posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 12:48pm for Chapter the Second

An enjoyable story. I always like a good Haphne. I like that you have done away with the Slytherin Ice Princess persona.