By kokopelli
Reviews
brad posted a comment on Thursday 30th October 2014 1:58am
> so the best case scenario would be a quick bonk
Still 'ugh' over this. Ugh. Good thing Harry killed the blighter.
> my bum’s too big and I’m just plain -
You're pushing the anti-fanon!Daphne here pretty hard!?
> for reasons I can’t explain, we thought that Riddle wouldn’t be able to use most of the magic. ... the magics in the grimoire are not exactly the sort of things that Dark Lords would use on their path towards domination -
Oh?
*is intrigued*
> it’s a brave man who walks to his death knowing that only his death will protect the people he loves. That’s something I think I understand.
Oh, great line! That really drew a connection/similarity between them. Nice one.
> "Harry, you were capable of making a corporeal Patronus when you were thirteen, and then you held off a herd of Dementors later that year. That’s real power."
And he never did anything after that worth a can of beans. Rowling was really determined to keep Harry mired down as a barely adequate normal wizard. Which is a pity; I would have preferred our hero to be powerful too.
(By the end of OotP half the DA could fire off a Patronus. It took Harry the best part of a year to learn just like it did them. And the time travelling gave him the confidence/will power to repel that herd of dementors. Nothing can bolster one's powering of an intent-based spell like the sure knowledge you've already succeeded! Note that he couldn't repeat the feat in the final battle; he had to be rescued by Luna, Ernie and ... shucks, forgotten the third. Anyway, just chattin' canon here; I'm happy to accept that *your* Harry is powerful, I like stories where he is powerful. And competent.)
> "You loathsome midget!" // QUEENIE LUVS HARRY!!!! - AJG
Heh. :-)
Kokopelli replied:
Yes, what Voldemort intended was loathsome, but it was all about him, and he probably would have enjoyed doing Queenie. Queenie, not so much.
Yes, I'm demolishing the IceQueen, long legged buxom blonde trope. That's not to say that Harry doesn't find her somewhat interesting. Stay tuned.
99% of what's in the Greenglass grimoire has to do with agriculture - think about the family name...
The parallels with Harry and Daphne are intentional - and it's the hook to the attraction.
The later books are terrible. JKR got tired, wrote to fulfill her contract, and by then was so rich that she probably could get her editors fired, which means she wasn't getting much in the way of good editorial support.
Yes, in canon (after book 4) Harry's not powerful, he just has some good friends, and he's lucky.
There is a difference, however, between lighting off a Patronus against one Dementor, and lighting off a whopper against a herd of Dementors.
The relationship between Astoria and Queenie is one of the drivers of this story.
brad posted a comment on Thursday 30th October 2014 12:55am
What a nice surprise, to see something new from you! The King of Epistolary stories is back!
> I started playing with this story to get my writing muscles back in shape. Jeepers, I'm rusty!
Nah, it's all good.
> "Fred Weasley is dead; so is Ginny,"
Excellent, the path to Harry/Hermione nirvana is cleared. I look forward to reading anyother Kokopelli Classic with Harry and Hermione falling in love and getting married and --
> You won't see much of Ron or Hermione -
Wait, what?
Clearly it's time to get my own 'lobbying Kokopelli to write H/Hr' muscles back in shape ...
:-)
I said 'excellent' to GInny's death for the joke sequence above - yes, I was joking - but that's rather sad, really. I'm not a ghoul. Ginny wasn't a very nice girl on the personal (minor details?) front but she still put her life on the line in 5th year and 6th year and at the Hogwarts battle. And you have her dying heroically here. So no, I won't rejoice in her death.
The idea of a young girl having sexual relations with Riddle is just ... ugh.
> "Kingsley said that they were going to have a Truth Commission, just like in South Africa," Hermione said.
I do hope so. It would be very satisfying to see the bad guys actually get punished (this time). That Imperius Curse excuse is so ... arggh.
> - Luna dropped a cold, black stone into his palm; he knew without looking that it was the Resurrection Stone.
This maybe augurs well for the course of this story. I haven't read too many which have dealt - in a practical manner, one of your strengths - with the immediate repercussions of the series proper. Harry told everyone about the all-powerful Deus Ex Machina stick in Rowling's farcical melodramatic showdown - silly boy - so everyone's going to be gunning for him, I'd imagine. I'm curious to know what you're going to do with the Stone (and with the 'Master of Death' schtick).
> For some reason the sight of her walking slowly with her head down broke his heart.
I think you gave nod here to a possible H/Luna relationship? "Do you want to be alone?". Hmm. Sort of sad to see the possibility evaporate.
Looking forward to more, good to see you back!
Kokopelli replied:
Brad,
So good to hear from you again. Notwithstanding your H/Hr fetish, I always enjoy your reviews.
As backstory, yes, Ginny did die heroically, pushing Hermione out of the path of a lethal spell. Ginny cleared the spell too, but then managed to nick her femoral artery and bleed out while concussed.
Daphne wasn't too chuffed with the notion of doing Riddle either.
The Truth Commission would make a great background for a long, long story, but I have no intention of writing that one right now. It gets some play in this one, but as background.
In this story, Harry does indeed own all three Hallows, but he finds it to be less than advertised. There's a scene with Xenophilus that might get written in which Harry explains that the Hallows aren't all that.
I'd love to write a Harry-Luna story, but I can't write her convincingly. Maybe someday.
Thanks for your kind words.
dennisud posted a comment on Monday 27th October 2014 3:56pm
Nice development and good characterization. Wonder if Hermione will have her 2 pence worth here. IMHO She'd be protective of Harry but would have known about Daphne from the study groups.
Kokopelli replied:
You'll see Hermione in the next chapter.
scribbler posted a comment on Sunday 26th October 2014 11:43pm
Damn! I'd never read your works before I found this story, but I'm really glad that I did, because what you're doing here is a lot of fun. You tell a very entertaining story and the only problem that I see is that your chapters are too short (ok, so I'm a greedy little duck, so sue me).
I like both your characterizations of Harry as well as that of Daphne. You've taken someone who was badly overlooked by she-who-must-not-write-epilogs and expanded her into a real living, breathing person. Also, the interactions between her and Astoria are really funny. I'd love to see what Harry might do to Astoria if Daphne asked him to do so (would Astoria *ever* be able to reverse one of Harry's hexes, if he didn't want her to?).
Anyway - I've linked to this story from my facebook page and I'll continue to follow it avidly. Very definitely looking forward to more!
Regards,
the_scribbler
Kokopelli replied:
The first four chapters are all 6k to 7k words in length. Chapter five (which I'm writing right now) will be longer.
Daphne is a zero in canon - we see her once during OWL testing.
As to Daphne-Astoria, you haven't seen anything yet.
Aberforth's Avatar posted a comment on Sunday 26th October 2014 9:29am
I quite like the pace of this story -- one of the things I appreciate about your stories is that you aren't in a rush to tell them. Your version of Daphne is unique; I am enjoying getting to know her. Thanks for sharing this. It's good to read something new from you.
Kokopelli replied:
Thanks for your kind words.
Patches posted a comment on Saturday 25th October 2014 5:04pm
This is moving along well but they don't have much time left. I look forward to more of this story. Thanks for writing. p
Kokopelli replied:
Yeah, yeah, we're moving as fast as we can...
diagonalpumpkin posted a comment on Saturday 25th October 2014 4:07pm
I am loving this story. I like the day to day moments that you are showing, and I really like your descriptions of Teddy. I like the little family that you have built and are building there. Keep up the wonderful work; I'll be looking forward to your next chapter.
Kokopelli replied:
Thanks.
LordSia posted a comment on Saturday 25th October 2014 9:18am
The constant references to Daphne's teeth feel a bit like a euphemism (for her being ugly), but I had the sudden idea that Harry - influenced by Hermione, who was brainwa- er, raised, by her dentist parents - treats nice teeth the way most people talk poetically about "beautiful eyes".
Weird, but it made some sort of sense in my brain.
Kokopelli replied:
A while back I supervised a fellow who thought himself quite the ladies man, so every Monday he'd regale us with the tales of the women he'd been with that weekend. He had an odd turn of modesty in that he never gave physical descriptions, and his default comment was "she had nice teeth." So, as backstory in this saga, I have Sirius giving the sage advice of paying attention to a girl's teeth. Daphne really does have nice teeth, but that's beside the point. Harry was trying to be polite.
Daphne's not ugly, she's plain. She's the girl that gets placed in the back of a group photo (because she's tall) and no one notices.
Wolfric posted a comment on Saturday 25th October 2014 2:58am
I didn't think you could copyright fanfiction. So what rights are you reserving? Anyway, I enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for writing. W.
Kokopelli replied:
Against all the world (except JKR) it's mine. And yes, there are people who try to steal fan fiction.
Brian64 posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 11:17pm
Another great chapter and I'm enjoying getting to know Daphne's personality. I'm not sure if there will be anything else to the story plot other than how Harry and Daphne deal with the forced betrothal, but you know what? I'll be quite happy enough if it is. A good character driven story is just as entertaining to me to one that is high on action - and who wants to read the same kind of story every time anyway? I expect I'll be coming back to this one from time to time just as I do with stories like Belcris's The Lost Summer. Just need more chapters to read now... :)
Thanks for writing.
Kokopelli replied:
There's all sorts of stuff that I could write - including what happens with the Truth and Recocilliation Commission, what happens with the Malfoy family, rabid Pureblood purists who want to turn the clock back, but this is a shorter story about a man and a woman trying to figure out if they have enough in common to make a go of it.
Enigma07 posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 7:26pm
So I read the second chapter as promised. The positive thing is that the Voldemort backstory is decoration, so it stops being as important to me. The negative thing is that it's now substituted with the real plot -- which is a marriage contract fic.
Ultimately, it's like this. Your writing is quite decent, the characters in character, Daphne nice, the plot fluffy enough -- but it's got the one problem every marriage contract fic has: it's got a marriage contract. It's an inherently undesirable plot to me. Typically, it's used by bad authors who need a shortcut, since they can't write a believable romance to save their lives and lack the imagination to think up a better way of getting character A and character B together. I wouldn't apply that in your case, but I must confess that I lack the ability to see the appeal of it outside of that reason.
So I guess this is the point where I stop. Maybe I'll give it another go once it's finished. Good luck to your writing, and thanks for sharing.
-SeriousScribble
---------
@BJH,"You seem to be intent on breaking as many fanon stereotypes as you can with this." well now, let's not get hasty. Goblins in the last chapter, marriage contract in this one. So far, that is a rather quick pace on ticking off the fanon sheet. I'm not sure what e.g. @"The Seeker" called 'original' here, but there must be a near limitless supply of 'marry her or she'll lose her magic'-contract-types stories out there. So far, I have seen nothing that would indicate this one would be any different -- although of course, if this ended with Harry rejecting the contract and Daphne losing her magic, it'd be an instant classic. That would be a true breaking and deconstruction of the Fanon trope.
Kokopelli replied:
You mispercieve the nature of our relationship.
I suggested in my response to your first review that this may not be the story for you.
Pay me $25.00/hour to write the story you want and I'll write it to your specification, until then, it's my story, and my choices.
If you don't like it, don't read it, it's that simple.
You really have two choices: a) don't read the story or b) write a story that's so breathtakingly beautiful that I become embarassed and never write another word of fan fiction.
You don't like marriage contract fics - that's your choice. There's a marriage contract in this fic, it's laid out in the first chapter of the story and fleshed out in the second. So, be a big boy and take responsiblity for what you read.
Riegert8 posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 7:24pm
You make Daphne a interesting character
Kokopelli replied:
I like writing strong female characters, so I'm having fun with Daphne.
I've been accused by fans in the past of being a woman, because "no man could understand how women think they way you do as author." I've had to assure them that I was indeed male, brother to two sisters, father to two daughters, husband of one loving wife.
Michael10 posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 7:23pm
keep up the good work
FeNo posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 5:36pm
What a wonderful story.
I mean if you take it literally they are in an awful situation. Life's have been lost, hearts been broken and they seemed to be at the verge of finally achieving liberty for themselves and whatever family they would build... later. And now once again an old contractual obligation comes in between Harry and deciding what to do with his life by himself... that should be a horrible complication to the aftermath of the just so won war...
Yet how they both react and how the older, wiser women around them start pushing and making their opinions "subtly" known is so sweet and moving. If there weren't the "Ginny did not survive the final battle" thing with all the grief and emotional uproar it must carry with it for Harry it might even be a tad romantic.
I also like the pacing... starting out slow and first get a hint what dating means seems so much preferable to other stories which end up with falling for each other in no time and falling into each others beds only slightly slower... a pity they haven't even got three weeks to feel this out and as far as the "wedding" thoughts Daphne put into her diary go it seems the magical moment WILL have to be sex based, which would mean a definite end to careful progressing into something like a solid relationship beforehand. But then... can there even be a real doubt that Harry would let her loose her magic and maybe even her life just because Potter got queasy when thinking about long lasting commitment?
Oh and thanks for not going with the stream and having her be the incomparable beauty of the snakey dungeons but simply one of the girls. It's only a tiny thing, but the other trope got boring the more you've seen it. So: kudos!
btw.. is there some health issue with Andy? I think i remember her saying something like "what a way to go" to Grace... sounds suspicious and would be a pretty convincing reason to see Harry in a fixed relationship sooner rather than later. Intriguing.
Kokopelli replied:
Andi is fine, she's just feeling worn out because she's in her 40's and has a one year old under her care. As I'm pushing 60 and my youngest is 19...do the math.
Mionefan posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 4:57pm
Another excellent chapter. I'm wondering if Daphne is right and the magic of the betrothal agreemant is drawing them closer. Nothing from Hermione yet?
Kokopelli replied:
Hermione you'll see in chapter 3, the compulsion (or lack therof) in chapter 5.
WhiteElfElder posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 4:08pm
Looks like marriage is inevitable is Kreacher did what he did.
Kokopelli replied:
Nah, Kreacher's just extra weird.
hoppy159 posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 2:53pm
I loved it. I always am suspect over stories where Harry rushes into a romance to save someone in Daphne's situaion. While it is something he would do, I appreciate more he wants to get to know who he is going to be saddled with before jumping in. I also appreciae the approach Daphne's taking. Rather than using Slytherin guile, shes being honest, which for Harry, will always work better. Taken together with the fact he is recovering from the battle, and the death of Ginny, you're doing a great job here. I loved the line about Pinnochio, it's apt in Harry's case. It's refreshing to see he is so self aware. A lot of the time, he is portrayed as totally clueless. It's not really his fault, a lot was kept from him, he really has a lot to learn yet.
Kokopelli replied:
One of the great flaws in how JKR assembled Harry Potter's character is that given the way he was raised, he's supposed to be the creepy guy who tortures animals for fun and is unable to form any emotional bond with humans. So yes, it's amazing that he's anywhere near normal, and he does wonder what it would be like to be a real boy. He's also terrified of having children, because he doesn't want to make mistakes raising them,
Noble Korhedron posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 2:26pm
More ASAP please!! I also like the Daphne/Astroia interactions, even if Astoria is acting like the steretypical "bratty little step-sister". More ASAP please!! :-D
Kokopelli replied:
You haven't seen anything yet with Astoria.
The Seeker posted a comment on Friday 24th October 2014 2:24pm
I'm going to jump back and forth between the story and writing this review, since your chapter is chock full of interesting information, and I don't trust my memory to store everything I want to comment on.
Absolutely captivating, original, and surprising iteration of my favorite HP (female) pairing. Thanks for the guts to create a totally unique DG/Queenie.
I normally don't pick out individual phrases, sentences or paragraphs, but this one is so pitch perfect I wanted to highlight it: On the bright side, my control for the ‘Scourgify’ charm is now nothing short of amazing. I’m going to put this biro down now and take the Floo to the Alley.
From these two sentences, we learn that Daphne is funny, self-deprecating, sarcastic, scared to death but retaining control of her emotions, if not her GI tract, and open to mundane ways (biro). This is excellent writing!
Creative use of Susan to convey more info on Daphne. Both witches came over as very intriguing. To this point, your Harry is a bit different, almost neutral. I guess that could be the result of finally having defeated Riddle, trying to restart a life that for the first time doesn't contain the threat of Riddle and his DEs, learning he received all of Tom's holdings BROC, including Daphne, all the while trying to get Grimmauld Place repaired so it is habitable. There's also a maturity that is unusual to see. The exchanges were very direct, even when they couldn't answer directly. Susan came across as someone I'd like Harry to get to know better, if it weren't for Daphne. I also wonder if he will stay out of Hogwarts, as he said he would.
The H/D relationship is moving somewhat faster than I anticipated. Of course, June 21 lurks not too far in the future. Your basic premise - Daphne has to marry Harry now is an interesting twist on Harry carrying the world's burdens. Interesting, though, that this burden arrived thanks to him defeating Riddle and picking up his wand. Regardless, Harry has to make a decision based on what would happen to someone, rather than what he wants himself. Add to that whatever grieving he's doing over Ginny and that's quite a burden for a seventeen year old.
Daphne's encripted diary also is a nice touch. Yes, it's another way to see her personality, intelligence, writing skills and glimpse her thoughts about Harry, what they've done, etc. But it also seem to fit very well within the structure you're using where we're getting information from many sources, including several ways with Andi and Grace, who are pieces of work in and of themselves. Which reminds me, good for the kids (H and D) for not getting upset at being set up and making the best of it in a very good way, They seem to be establishing a solid foundation, though there definitely are no fireworks at all, nor should there be with these two.
This chapter was so good I wish there were many more available to read. No doubt I'll revisit this one several more times. My compliments to the author for a job well done.
- The Seeker
Kokopelli replied:
They are miffed that they're set up - which is why Daphne says "years from now I'll probably think this was sweet."
Harry's somewhat flat because he's been facing doom for years and now it's over, but many of his friends and parent substitutes are dead.
So now what?
Oh, there's this new problem, see, and she's this tall, skinny girl who's more than she seems...
brad posted a comment on Thursday 30th October 2014 2:10am
Kokopelli replied: