frank stark posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 7:43am for This changes everything

I want you to know that I really enjoyed "By Right of Conquest". "This Changes Everything" has the seeds of a good story. I would like to see how it comes out. Susan Bones could be an interesting character, but in canon she is is merely an extra on the set. Rowley named a lot of people that actually later did not figure much in the story. In many ways I compare it with my high school experience; Out of a class of 500+, I knew perhaps a couple of score. Out of the dozens of teachers, if I were to write of the experience I would name only a few. I have always suspected that Hogwarts was something the same. We have the names of some of the teachers and students who actually had some influence, for good or ill, on Harry Potter. The others, for the most part, are not mentioned. The movie versions, for reasons of economy, are not going to hire any more extras than are absolutely neccessary, and we end up with a much smaller Hogwarts population than would have been the case. But I digress. This story shows a lot of promise. I would enjoy reading the rest. In any case, thank you.

Kokopelli replied:

Just as I broke FanonDaphne! in By Right of Conquest, I'd have to break FanonSusan! if I continued the story - she's not a busty, lusty vixen, she's a teen aged girl, who in this story, just became an orphan.

lwj2 posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 7:24am for This changes everything

I enjoyed it, and think it's an excellent start if you wish to expand it. That said, it stands alone well also. Thanks for sharing it.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks

Wolfric posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 4:08am for This changes everything

Well I like it. I think it is a good start. Thanks for writing. W.

Sibling Creature posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 2:09am for This changes everything

Honestly I'd have to say It seems alike a good start, story-wise. It has a number of elements I really like, though the big draw for me is Amelia Bones going behind Fudge's back and effectively working with Harry in some way. I'd definitely like to see the story developed further.

-SC

Kokopelli replied:

I could have a lot of fun with Amelia - one of the overlooked gems in the HP fanfic universe.

gadriam posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 1:26am for This changes everything

I liked this. Paxton is intriguing, your Susan has a very good starting point and the picture you paint of the Ministry is very ... governmental. At this point, your Harry is kind of bland, but that's to be expected. So far, he's only been reacting to obvious stimuli. I'm very fond of Agent Potter-stories, where Harry gets to be active with adult support . With Amelia and Paxton as base, i would add an auditor or accountant for a nice, small supportgroup. But that's me.

I've rarely seen magical investigators of this vaguely P.I kind used. Well, i've seen them but i usually get very annoyed at their Perry Masonisms and general Ãœbersherlockness. Paxton has the feel of the real deal. A pretty clever guy who goes to work in the morning and knows how to make a question tree in a notebook. And when not to ask permission..=)

I do understand your reasoning, but this does have potential to go to new places. I'd like to see them..

Thanks

g

Kokopelli replied:

I've known a lot of investigators - the really good ones are plodders with good people skills who get people to open up and start talking.  Yeah, I like Paxton too.

AlexPublius posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 12:42am for This changes everything

I'm sorry to hear your muse isn't being cooperative, because I like this story quite a bit. I think you're on the right track keeping the focus on Amelia and Paxton -- there are so many fics that start after 4th or 5th Year which have Harry double down on training and making his way in the world, but relatively few that focus on the adults who are helping him do so. Amelia is a profoundly underrated character, and I like how your OC has ties to the Bones family and Hufflepuff House in general (itself the most underrated of Hogwarts Houses). The 'private investigator'/crime drama feel to the story feels distinctive enough to stick out, especially if you keep the focus on Paxton and other third-party characters and only report on Harry's life through their perspective. I hope you return to this story, but thanks for publishing it as a one-shot if you don't. Keep up the great work!

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks

Frank Hacklander posted a comment on Thursday 18th February 2016 11:43pm for This changes everything

god knows you hate this but i think it is the beginning of something remarkable. forget susan (to the degree you can) and focus on Paxton and Amelia. Kudos. Not as remarkable (yet) as the Haphne story (which I also liked very much), but it certainly has possibilites with respect to Paxton and Amelia. And, perhaps, that'as where the focus should be which will get you out of your rut. gods man, your contribution to the matryoshka stuff was great. get away from ginny (that red-headed trollop) and find your calling with Amelia helping a godforsaken ex-drunk. Some real possibilities there....all the best.

Kokopelli replied:

Canon Ron annoys me.  Canon Ginny is a bit of a cipher.  Thanks for your review.

kb0 posted a comment on Thursday 18th February 2016 10:57pm for This changes everything

That has some real potential. I like the "gumshoe" feel you've created. I also like that you've giving Harry "help", something that I think should have been done as it was realistic and JKR refused to because it didn't fit her "martyr" theme. I do see you're addressing that lack of help bit by looking at Molly's role as well as what Dumbles may have done to primary school teachers. Another good thing is that you've got Amelia investigating on the sly; I wondered why she didn't do that in the books (again JKR couldn't afford that logic) and I like your explanation about Fudge shutting her down (which I'd guess JKR probably imagined as well but didn't tell us or I don't remember reading that in the book).

It's really too bad your muse hasn't cooperated with you on this. Perhaps find someone you can bat it around with and see what ideas float to the top? I suppose it's even more interesting to me because I'm finishing a Harry/Susan story, so a different perspective on things has intrigue for me.

Thanks for sharing, Kevin

Kokopelli replied:

To the extent that this story had a point, it was "with just a little help, Harry could have done so much more," which is quite different from BadAssHarry! or BootStrapHarry! that so often gets written in very forgettable stories (except when written by Jaconais, who can turn sow's ears into silk luggage).

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Thursday 18th February 2016 10:22pm for This changes everything

A very interesting start and a different approach to events. I'm rather looking forward to seeing how this goes, particularly if Harry's "job" has him away from 4 Privet Drive when the dementors show up (that Paxton would recognize what happened and immediately tell Amelia could skew several events from then on). That last line was a nice touch and I'm looking forward to seeing if they become "just" friends or something more; that latter could cause some interesting reactions, both entertaining and instructive, in a number of other parties.

I will very definitely be looking forward to updates to this one.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks

Matt Harris posted a comment on Thursday 18th February 2016 10:05pm for This changes everything

This was very enjoyable. Sorry your muse was uncooperative. Would be interesting to see the butterfly effects from Harry not being in Little Whinging when the dementors show up.

Kokopelli replied:

Maybe we will.